I lied to you cause I thought the truth would’ve held you back from doing what was best for yourself. I heard the joy in your voice when I told you what you wanted to hear. I helped you with one problem, but the thing is .. I’m now realizing it’s possible I’ve set you up for something worse.

Pushing myself away from negative vibes, and more towards positive vibes. I’m almost there. So close to succeeding. Just one step at a time :) I don’t need things like that right now, just friends. Just awesome days, spent with awesome friends. Laughs. More laughs. And just simply living in the moment.  

I know what you’re thinking .. and honestly, it’s really not what it seems like. All I ask of you is to trust me when I say that. I’m not an idiot. I know what I’m doing. I’ve already developed this type of “mindset”, so best believe I’m not going to let myself become vulnerable to this. Trust me. You know who you are. 

Not to mention, my Friday ended better than usual. Watched people attempt the cinnamon challenge after school, and ended up failing and choking. Lunar Festival at FPHS. Food. Performances. Friends. Game night at Cornerstone. Pizza. Laughs. Interesting, different feel. Meeting new people. Definitely enjoyable. Jamming and singing in the car ride home. Everything’s so much funnier at night, lol. Came home close to midnight. And now, just ending the night off with some food :) Then off to bed with a good night’s rest. 

You know, you’re only going to continue remaining in that “depressed” state of yours as long as you keep torturing yourself with all of these negative thoughts and feelings. How do you expect things to get any better if you keep acting and thinking like you do? The only person stopping you from being happy is yourself. So why don’t you actually try making an effort to move on in life instead of sitting around day after day all gloomy and depressed? I know it’s hard .. but you can’t expect progress without any effort. 

Maybe I’m just lacking motivation. 

Darn these late night cravings and having no food in the pantry :(

Lol. If only you knew how he really feels about you.

My laziness is really making it hard for me to start on my homework* Whyy :(

I swear this is like deja vu. 

I’m feeling great right about now. I’ve finally come to a conclusion and made up my mind. And you know what? I got this. I’m determined and I’m 100% sure I can and will succeed. Positive attitude, positive mindset :) I refuse to make myself suffer any longer.

but can’t you at least try to stop your bad habits?

Okay. WOW. You think you can play around with me like that? If anything, I am NOT a toy.

Don’t tell me to “calm down”. You know you can’t control your anger just as much as I can’t. 

Yeah … I’m an idiot. I would be the one to let one little event ruin everything.

I don’t understand you. Why haven’t you said anything yet? Not even a single word. I thought you’d crack by now. You and I both know exactly what you’re thinking, so tell me .. why remain silent when you know you’re dying to say what’s been on your mind?

Who knows why, but seeing your name gives me a slight irritated feeling. 

Looking back … I was so stupid for making that decision. Man, what was I thinking? You’re still the same. Even after 4-5 years. Wait no, not even. You’ve gotten worse. Now that’s just sad. Your bad habits are really getting to you and your head. Watch when you have to pay for your actions. 

You know, it’s really not that hard to take other people’s feelings into consideration. Everything’s not what it seems.

Well, that’s no surprise. I already expected something like this coming from you. 

I’m now realizing how stupid I was when I made the same choice you’re making now. I know you’re blinded by the desire to be happy, so chances are, you’re just going to be reckless and just do what you want, not worrying about the consequences. I just don’t want things to end the same way it did with me, with you. I guess it’s best to just leave the situation alone and trust that you can handle it as well as yourself. 

I think it’s just the fact that I perceive you as someone who’s in a much higher position (?) compared to me that makes me slightly fear you. Also, because of that, I tend to make sure I set myself to do and not do certain things so I wouldn’t be looked down on .. I don’t like being looked down on.